Unfiltered
By James Christian
May 29, 2008




We all have filters in our lives, and that's perfectly okay. Our individual filters are part of what makes each person unique. Unfortunately, our filters often keep us from seeing situations as they really are. It's important to recognize our filters so that we aren't controlled by them.

What is a filter? A filter is anything that colors your vision. For example, when we wear sunglasses, everything appear darker. The sunglasses become a filter. Of course, sunglasses are very helpful at times, and they serve a useful purpose. But suppose we wear sunglasses all day and forget we have them on. Once nighttime comes, our vision will be so obscured that we could actually be in danger. Because we can't see, we might step in a bear trap, step on a poisonous snake, or miss an oncoming vehicle. When the circumstances change, the filter that was initially helpful has actually become harmful.

There are three types of filters:  physical, psychological, and spiritual.


Physical Filters

Physical filters are fairly obvious--sunglasses, tinted windows, stained-glass windows, porch screens, etc.  All of these things filter what we see. We don't need to say much about these, because we're usually pretty aware of these filters every day.


Psychological Filters

Though we are often very aware of physical filters, we are usually much less aware of psychological filters. Our psychological filters color our view of the world, especially other people's actions. Only God knows how many filters we each hold inside our being.

In the first few months of our marriage, one of my filters and one of my wife's filters became very apparent. When we were at home we would often take off our socks, and both discarded pairs would be right next to each other. At some point in the evening, I would pick up my socks and put them in the clothes basket, and Laura would soon do the same. After a month or two, she finally told me how much it upset her that I wouldn't do something so simple as put her socks away. She was always putting my things away--why couldn't I do that simple thing for her? I was surprised to hear that this bothered her, because from my perspective (my filter) I was acting out of respect. "Perhaps she wants to put on her socks again later," I thought, "or perhaps she has left them as a reminder to do something." Even if there was no reason for leaving them out, I generally don't like it when people move my things. So I was leaving her socks alone out of respect.

From my wife's perspective (her filter), I was being extremely inconsiderate. I would pick up my socks, but I would always leave her socks for her to pick up. Logically, she knew that I always had her best interests in mind, and that's why she didn't say anything initially. But the more she thought about it, she just couldn't think of a good reason why I would leave out her socks unless I was being deliberately spiteful. When she finally said something and I explained that I was trying to respect her things, she was completely shocked. In her world, people pick up others' things to be courteous. In my world, people leave others' stuff alone out of respect.

This incident may seem a bit silly, but little things like this create problems in relationships every day. Often, both parties have each other's best interests in mind, but their filters distort the other's intentions. So what can we do? Recognizing that we all have numerous filters, how can we keep them from creating harm? How can we become "unfiltered"?

My wife has developed five steps to help you go through the process:

1. What did I hear or experience?  Perhaps someone (we'll call him Bob) told you that you had spinach in your teeth. Bob may have been trying to be helpful, but you may have felt he was criticizing you. Whatever his intention, you heard criticism.
2. What is my filter?  You can answer this question by filling in the blank:  "If I did what that other person did, I would do so because __________________." Continuing with the example in question #1, you would never tell someone he had spinach in his teeth unless you were being deliberately spiteful. This is your filter--what you heard and experienced--in that situation.
3. What are my assumptions?  Again, with the spinach example, your assumptions might be:  a) Bob shares your belief that pointing out spinach in someone's teeth is rude; b) Bob had malicious intentions; c) Bob therefore must really hate your guts.
4. What are other possible scenarios?  Think of other possibilities to counter your assumptions:  a) perhaps Bob thinks it's rude not to point out spinach in someone's teeth; b) Bob may have wanted to save you from being embarrassed before you talked with anyone else; c) Bob may really care for you, and that's why he was trying to help.
5. Communicate for clarification.  Now that you've recognized your filter(s) and you realize that the other person may have had the best of intentions, the only way to be certain is to ask. You can fill in the blank when talking to the other person:  "When you did _____________, I felt _____________. I realize that may not have been your intention. Could you help me understand where you are coming from?" Using your own words, in our spinach example, you might say something to this effect:  "Bob, you're usually a really nice guy, but when you told me I had spinach in my teeth, it felt like you were criticizing me and trying to embarrass me. Were you upset at me, or were you just trying to be helpful? What was your intention?"
   

Following these simple steps can help you avoid a great deal of hurt and miscommunication.


Spiritual Filters

Psychological filters are difficult to recognize, but spiritual filters are even more difficult. The apostle Paul wrote about the unbelieving Jews, "But to this day whenever Moses is read, a veil lies over their heart; but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away" (2 Cor. 3:15-16). Many of the Jews in the first century were reading God's Word, yet they still had a veil over their heart. We can read the Bible and have such a strong veil (or "filter") that we can completely miss God in His Word! The only rescue from this is, as the passage says, to turn to the Lord. We must pray, "Lord Jesus, I turn to You. I hold many filters, veils, false concepts, and wrong beliefs. I don't even recognize my veils and filters, but You know what they are. Lord, Your Word says that when we turn to You, the veil is taken away. I turn to You, believing that You are removing the veil." Then, as we read God's Word, He will enable us clearly to see Christ.

In addition, turning to the Lord implies following the Lord. Therefore, we must be willing to obey His commandments. If we resist the Lord's commandments, our heart will be veiled from seeing Christ. Therefore, to overcome our spiritual filters, we must do two things:  1) turn our heart to the Lord; 2) follow Him in all things.


"What are my filters?"

As you've been reading, some of your own filters may have come forth. You may even have read this article through one of your filters. If you aren't aware of any filters, think of things that frequently upset or frustrate you. If you experience miscommunication, resentment, or a feeling of being misunderstood in any of your relationships, filters may play a larger role in your life than you realize. We all have filters, and there's no shame in that. But problems arise when we refuse to acknowledge and overcome them. Pause for a moment and ask yourself, "What are my filters?"